Everyone, or at least nearly everyone, has had little difficulties amidst fantastic life moments. Often, these difficulties ensue because some of life’s best moments and opportunities present themselves to you when least expected. Therefore proper preparations are not taken.
A woman’s purse is a good demonstration of preparedness. Think back to childhood- wasn’t your mother able to pull anything out of her purse or bag with just a bit of digging? From checks to candy, from pens to stamps, from cash to sunglasses, the woman’s purse has always been a treasure trove of trivial things (and not-so –trivial things.) The woman with a purse full of crap should, in theory, be prepared for anything, and usually is. (Reference any mother who is able to calm a screaming toddler by yanking out seven toys from the depths of the great diaper bag.)
This is, unfortunately, not always the case.
The Purse’s Lifecycle (Weekly)
Purse contents on Monday:
-tampon, even though it’s not that time of the month
-tweezers, even though you don’t need them and probably won’t
-breath mints
-seven lip glosses, a chapstick
-a stick of some brand of lip moisturizer that is not Burt’s Bees but is close enough
-oh look another lip gloss…or is that cheek stain?
-a pad that is whatever size is smaller than maxi, backup for tampon
– a notebook
-mechanical pencil someone lent you about three weeks ago
-wallet (inside of which is money, meal card, license, keys, expired gift cards, library card)
-half full water bottle
-eyeliner that you know you won’t use but brought with you anyway
-concealer, in case a zit attempts to make an appearance on your face
-candy wrappers, left there from chowing down during those short breaks during night classes
Tuesday:
-everything from Monday, except
-there are less breath mints,
-the water was replaced by a bottle of soda
– You took out the eyeliner because it is unnecessary and will be of no help to you in emergencies. Seriously, that crappy eyeliner claims to be waterproof, but smudges to no end. This will only be of use if you are trying to look like a raccoon.
Wednesday:
PURSES ARE SWITCHED, CONTENTS ARE CLEARED.
-Mostly empty purse with phone, wallet, one lip-gloss, one concealer, and maybe some feminine products because, let’s face it, that time of the month could be any time, probably when it is most inconvenient for you.
Thursday
-Same as Wednesday, except there’s more makeup. You woke up late this morning and threw in two lip-glosses, that damn eyeliner, more concealer, and more pens because you didn’t have time to fully do your makeup. The pens are there because you were still half asleep and thought they were eyeliner. Then you realized that you are going to class and will need pens anyway, so left them in the bag. Also, you forgot mascara.
Friday:
Freedom from classes, freedom from a purse/book bag full of crap!
-Sometime between Wednesday morning and Thursday night, more candy wrappers made their way into your bag, as well as two nearly empty soda/water bottles.
-Therefore, you dump out the contents of your purse and take a nap.
Upon waking up, plans for the evening are made. These plans are nothing too exciting, just going over to another dorm to hang out with some friends. So you put minimal effort into your outfit and your purse. It usually doesn’t matter how much crap you have with you on a casual Friday night. Nor should it really matter, considering it is supposed to be just that: a casual Friday night. You plan to hang with some people, maybe have a few drinks if you are of age, maybe play some poker or an impromptu game of truth or dare.
Therefore, tonight your bag consists of
– breath mints
– Wallet, which should be cleared of expired gift cards but isn’t.
– Phone, which isn’t quite fully charged, but has enough to last a few hours
– A bottle of soda that you didn’t finish at dinner
C’mon now, what can possibly happen that you will need more than your phone and wallet? You’re just going to meet some friends, no real “hookup prospects.” There is no reason to expect anything, so you don’t. The contents of your bag are a clear demonstration of your lack of expectation.
But one should always expect the unexpected.
Shenanigans and Self-Realizations 