Why St. Patrick’s Day can be more romantic than Valentine’s Day

My ex asked me to “be official” on St. Patrick’s Day after attending the parade with me in the city (Manhattan). He and I stopped at McDonald’s in Times Square before catching trains home, and he asked me out over a meal of dollar menu McDoubles and chicken nuggets, in a table next to the bathroom, right before a homeless man asked us if he could have our garbage.

He (the boyfriend, not the homeless man) had mustered up some green apparel for the occasion, and I was decked out in my Irish wool sweater, Irish wool hat, and a smudged shamrock drawn on my cheek with green eyeliner. We were tired after walking up and down 5th avenue all day.

It was the best ask-out I could have hoped for.

I felt like I was walking on air next to all the people stumbling home in torn green novelty clothing and empty water bottles that had earlier been filled with Jack Daniel’s. It wasn’t like Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day is a day filled with pressure, whether it be pressure to be in a relationship or pressure to have a perfect day to celebrate your relationship. Heart-shaped candies and chocolates are merely a facade. The day is really just about the worries of a relationship status or lack of one.

There was no pressure on the day that you could hardly hear the person next to you over the sound of bagpipes. There was only celebration and relaxation on the rocks in Central Park. On St. Patrick’s Day (or any St. Patrick’s Day parade day), the expectation is to have some drinks, watch a parade, have some more drinks, and then eat corned beef or some other bar food. It’s as relaxing or exciting as you want it to be…and is filled with friends, family, and music. No one thinks of making it romantic, which is exactly why it is.

Massive crowds and too many drinks add to this romantic factor . . . it is sometimes easier to feel alone with someone in a crowd full of people. Standing closely with someone in the chilly, early spring air, amidst hoards of parade-goers and the sound of marching bands in a sea of green is better than sitting in a stuffy restaurant with flowers and candles. The focus on St. Patrick’s day is on having fun and celebrating culture. People can immediately bond over being Irish or appreciating the culture, or at least just appreciating the celebrations of the day. Teenagers sneaking into bars, people drinking too much, kids spraying your hair with silly string, getting beer spilled on your shirt multiple times . . . it’s an integral part of “Hurricane Shamrock,” as Liz Lemon calls it in 30 Rock. The chaos is accepted; it’s a relaxed chaos that can lead to a less chaotic and stressful romance than on Valentine’s day.

Down to a few

An all-girl Catholic high school education will be harder to come by in Westchester

 

Maria Regina, Our Lady of Victory Academy, Good Counsel Academy, and Ursuline. These were some of the names that filled the Catholic-school cafeteria conversations of generations of middle school and high school girls in Westchester county and the surrounding areas. Eight graders compared each school, tried to figure out where they would best fit in, and then narrowed down their options to three to apply to when taking the TACHS (Test for Admission into Catholic High School) exam.

 

GCA students and their cougar mascot welcomed middle school students to learn more about their high school at the October 2014 open house.

When in high school, girls continued comparing everything from sports teams to locker sizes. There was plenty of discussion over who had the prettier campus and the cuter uniforms, as well as the most AP courses and best list of college acceptances. But nearly everyone had friends at other schools; the struggles and joys of Catholic schooling, and, more specifically, the struggles and joys of all-girl Catholic schooling created a bond between the students and alumnae.

But private all-girl education options— especially the affordable ones— have been dwindling. (By affordable, I mean under $12,000 a year tuition). Our Lady of Victory, which had a comparable tuition to Good Counsel and Maria Regina, closed in 2012.

The Leadership Team of the Sisters of Divine Compassion has recently announced that this is the last semester of operation for Our Lady of Good Counsel Academy High School.

Instead of comparing uniforms and sports teams, girls from Good Counsel are preparing to transfer, just as Victory girls did about three years ago.

More on the Good Counsel closing:

savegca.com

blog from October 2014

Some news coverage

letter from Sr. Laura Donovan, principal of GCA high school

---

 

Shock at the GCA closure

The chapel at Good Counsel, built in 1897.

Good Counsel Academy High School has been operating for over 90 years— we were told we could get married in the campus chapel (maybe we still will be able to), and my senior class of 2012 was given lifetime passes (most of them discarded pretty quickly) to the little workout room that was finished right before we graduated. I think it’s safe to say that the school was working to grow, build connections, and attract more students as it reached its 100th year of educating “confident women, compassionate leaders.” No student could have guessed that the campus would be sold. No alumnae could have guessed that our lifetime Good Counsel gym memberships— that no one actually used—would expire in less than four years.

 

---

 

Catholic school tradition lives on

Of course, the above named schools were not the only options for Catholic/private schooling. There were, and still are, more all-girl Catholic or private schools all around New York City, and there are several co-ed schools in different areas. But some of those options aren’t the most feasible. Holy Child was (and still is) another all-girl school in Westchester, but I didn’t list that one because the tuition is about $30,000 a year. (Ursuline doesn’t really make the cut to be considered very affordable either, being that its tuition is nearly $18,000).

Victory is no longer an option and Good Counsel probably won’t be either. Maria Regina, therefore, is the last really affordable all-girls school in Westchester, with a tutiion of less than $9,000. However, their enrollment is only about 500— Maria Regina probably won’t be able to absorb all of the girls that must transfer out of Good Counsel, meaning that girls are either going to have to travel farther to go to school, pay more in tuition, or go to a co-ed school. An all-girl education will be harder to come by.

It is unfortunate that Our Lady of Victory Academy closed in 2012 because of low enrollment. Many of their girls were welcomed by Good Counsel; the senior class alone went from having about 60 girls to about 75. For the most part, Victory students seemed to have found another home at Good Counsel.

The reason for Good Counsel’s closing is not low enrollment — that much has been clear. If Victory could have remained open for a few more years, perhaps that school could have welcomed Good Counsel girls and increased their enrollment— one school would have had to close instead of two.

For now, at least the closed schools will continue to have strong alumnae networks. The Catholic school traditions in Westchester will surely remain strong, even with two less all-girl schools.

Dating, Texting, General Confusion

“My read receipts are on because I like people to know when they’re being ignored,” an older cousin said to me. I’m guilty of ignoring people all the time by not texting back, but I usually get around to it.

It’s different when texting guys of interest, however. My hope for getting to know someone better hangs on a few characters of text. It isn’t that I want to get to know someone through a text conversation. I want a few texts making plans to meet up for dinner so that I can get to know someone better face-to-face.

Often, I have to wade through a boring text convo before another in-person meeting can take place. I feel obligated to text back in order to stay on the radar of someone of interest, even though I dread waiting to see if they’ll text back or if they’ll choose to ignore me completely (even if they made the first move.) Sometimes conversations via text can be interesting, but they rarely beat an in-person conversation.

I was the kid in middle school who had a Motorola Razr while everyone else had the first Sidekick with at least a 200-text-a-month texting plan. Sometimes I miss those days—I made my friends call me because it cost a few cents every time I sent them a text message. A phone call was straightforward– someone picked up, or didn’t pick up, and then called you back or didn’t. There was no way to see if they’ve been on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, tinder, etc. recently…there was either a phone conversation or there wasn’t.

Now I’m single and dating with a smartphone. I don’t know what the rules are with regards to texting and dating; there doesn’t seem to be any. My family members speak of a phone call the next day or two or three after a good date. There are plenty of sappy sitcom reruns and rom-coms that speak of the same thing—the after date phone call. I’d rather that than an after-date text, but I have yet to have my hopes realized.

I don’t know what to do with an after-date text. Do I take some initiative and text the guy first? Do we have a conversation or just immediately establish another date? Should I give up if I don’t get a response within two hours?

All I know is that I don’t want to play that game—the one where each person pretends that they aren’t that into each other. Just ask me out and let’s get on with whatever this is. If you don’t want to go out, just say it. If you do, then say that and then maybe keep up some form of conversation, not just a vague “heyy,” even if you think adding an extra “y” or a wink emoji make your intentions clear enough. Just buy me a drink and wink at me in person (actually don’t wink.) If you want to see me, say so.

I don’t want to sit around with my girlfriends and analyze a text from someone I like. I don’t want to wait a half hour to respond just to make it seem like my phone isn’t in my pocket 24/7…. or to make it seem like I’m doing something more than just sitting on my couch texting my friends about how much I hate texting guys.

I’d like to tell myself that I won’t stress about texting guys of interest to me, but I probably will. I’m currently waiting for a response from a guy I went out with last night. A few weeks ago, I gave up on waiting for a response from a guy I went out with four times. He took me out for lunch and coffee… and never texted me again.

If you leave me hanging via text message, it’s just going to be more awkward when I inevitably run into you somewhere.

Maybe I should just switch back to phone calls.

 

 

 

Tinder: A Game, A Shopping Spree, A Superficial Mess

I’m single, I’m 20, and I have a smartphone.

Perhaps inevitably, I also have a Tinder account.

It is one of the most superficial things that has ever existed on the internet. For those of you who don’t already know, it is an app, technically a “dating app.” The faces of people (men or women of a specific age range that you set) pop up, sometimes along with a short bio available if you click on their face.

If you like their photos and bios, swipe right. If not, swipe left and a large “NOPE” is satisfyingly stamped on their face.

It is sort of like a game. When you get a “match” (meaning both people swiped right, deeming the other attractive) a screen pops up saying “It’s a Match!” with buttons that say “send message” or “keep playing.”

Lessons on tinder: once you swipe left you can never go back. #swipeleft #tinder

— Benideliz Canales (@BenidelizC) November 22, 2014

“Keep Playing.” It is a game, not to be taken seriously. This guy you just matched might look pretty cute, but can you match with someone better? There’s so many more out there. It is an endless cycle, and it is satisfying to get that “match” screen pop up—it’s like you won the game, and now you can either take a break or go back to beat your high score.

Besides being like a game, Tinder is basically window-shopping for guys. People become like shoes or sweaters; you see them in a photo or on a rack and think it’ll look great on. But then you take a closer look and realize the shoes are the wrong size or that the sweater has a hole. In some cases, you might even try on the sweater before realizing it’s just an awful sweater. The worst. It makes you look fat and it’s suspiciously itchy. You don’t know why you were even attracted to that sweater to begin with. So, maybe that “match” screen doesn’t actually mean you won a game.

Anyway…. The long story short is that Tinder sucks. But I’m not sure if it is any worse than scoping guys out at a bar or a rager. There, you scan the room in the dark while you’re drunk. Your vision might be a bit warped and the lighting not very good, so you are not seeing the most accurate representation of a person—kind of like seeing a profile pic on a dating site.

At bars and parties, it is likely that you may meet someone you have never met before. Perhaps you have mutual friends, and perhaps not. There is the thought in the back of your head that he might be an axe-murderer, but you choose to take that risk and continue talking to him or even give him your phone number.

Tinder is not much different. Mutual friends, if any, are listed, as are mutual “likes.” Tinder takes the experience of seeing someone across a dark room while you’re intoxicated and transfers that to an app. A swipe right is the equivalent of a wink from across a room or even an offer to buy a drink—it is the “ok” to start a conversation based on a mutual initial attraction to one another.

Still, Internet conversation is not and can never be a replacement for talking to someone in-person. There is no way to really judge how attracted you are to someone until meeting them in person, seeing their expressions, gestures, height…everything that cannot be conveyed through Instagram-filtered selfies. This is an unavoidable problem with dating sites.

Thus, it is not a complete positive that you can filter out those who you do not find immediately attractive on Tinder and other dating sites. For instance, I would never have swiped my ex-bf right on Tinder, simply because he has a chinstrap. But, I was able to look past the chinstrap and be attracted to him in person. I was charmed in person, but had I come across his face on Tinder I would have swiped left.

“Attractiveness” is superficial, anyway. It should not be what a relationship is based on…but, I suppose Tinder is not what a relationship is supposed to be based on. Flirtations and hookups are based on attraction, therefore Tinder, an app for flirtations and hookups, has the right idea. It’s a superficial mess, but it’s more addictive than Candy Crush.

My thoughts on the sale of the Good Counsel property

I was 12 years old in May 2007. This was the first time I toured the campus of Good Counsel Academy in White Plains, New York.

 

Walking around the campus, I was enchanted by the beauty and the sense of community.

 

How could there not be a sense of community in such a beautiful, unique, and historical place?

Chapel at Academy of Our Lady of Good Counsel, White Plains, NY

 

Even in the seventh grade I recognized this, and I decided right then that I would definitely apply to Good Counsel Academy when I took the TACHS exam in October. That was over seven years ago.

 

Now, I am 20, and I am forever grateful to Good Counsel and to the Sisters of Divine Compassion for providing me with a beautiful, faith-filled, close-knit, challenging and rewarding high school experience.

 

I am grateful that I was able to go to school in a place that housed plenty of girls before me; I am grateful that I was able to go to school in a place that emanated history and still kept up with the current needs of students. I love the campus and I love the city of White Plains.

 

I spent hours jogging around the lush green campus to warm up for softball. I spent hours dancing in the chapel to rehearse for the Christmas Pageant, an event that was particularly special to my family and myself because my youngest brother enjoyed it. He has autism and is afraid of going to Mass, but he loved the music and dancing of the pageant. So, that became my family’s Christmas tradition since we have not been able to go to Mass together in a very long time. No other high school could have given that to us.

I’m happy I got the opportunity to go back to the campus, but it is a shame that my cousin and friends younger than me won’t get the opportunity to do the same.

 

I am just as enchanted with the campus and community now as I was then. I have gone back each year to give tours at the open house and to visit the students, teachers, and faculty that made my high school experience special. I love going back to the campus that was, and still is, a second home to me.

 

(I also hoped that one day I could get married in the chapel, because I was told that on a tour in 2007 and the idea has always stuck with me.)

 

I was heartbroken when I heard the news of the campus being on the market. I have been checking my email so as not to miss any new updates or press releases. The first result of a Google search for Good Counsel Academy is the a story in the Journal News with the headline “Parents worry move will end Good Counsel Academy.”

 

I worry, too. Parents who spoke to the Journal News claim that “they” (school leaders and board members and whoever else is heavily involved with the move) have not been “upfront” about what is happening. I agree completely.

 

On May 30, 2014, alumnae first learned of the intention to market the Good Counsel property, but it seemed as though the plan wouldn’t move forward as quickly as it has been moving. Personally, I assumed that much more information would be relayed to the Good Counsel Community before any final sale of the property and relocation of the school was established. I say this because the announcement of the marketing of the property was spoken of toward the end of the alumnae letter sent by email on May 30, 2014. I imagined that something would be done to at least keep the school open for a few more years, and I understand that this effort has been taken and is not feasible for some reason.

 

“Our commitment to educating confident women and compassionate leaders for the 21st century stands firm,”Sr. Laura Donovan, principal of Good Counsel Academy High School and Sr. Imma DeStefanis, President of the board of trustees, said in the letter.

 

“With full capacity and an incoming class of approximately 90 students we are affirmed in the belief that GCA provides a much-needed quality, Catholic education for girls. In the months and year ahead we will keep you apprised of any new information relating to the sale of the property or any further developments regarding the location of the High School.”

 

The next letter gave much more information, “in the spirit of transparency.” The letter detailed the search for a new property for Good Counsel Academy, and spoke of the conclusion made that the old Blessed Sacrament property in New Rochelle would be the best option. Still, it seems, from the information in the letter, that it is a financially infeasible option.

 

I appreciate the effort put into that letter to share information with those who care about GCA, but, being an alumna of Good Counsel, I want more information.

 

I want to know why.

 

Why has it been decided that it would be in the best interest of the Sisters of Divine Compassion to sell the Good Counsel property– the property that Mother Mary Veronica strove to purchase in the late 1800s as a haven for orphaned girls from New York City?

 

It is the property that today still meets Mother Mary Veronica’s mission of creating a haven and a community of faith and education for girls. Good Counsel was a haven – a homey, welcoming, full-of-love place–for me and still is for the over 400 students and a vast number of alumnae who would like to remain connected with the campus.

 

Why don’t they sell Preston? Is that property more lucrative? What about any other property that the Sisters are in possession of? I want to do more research to find out this information, but I am not sure where to begin.

 

Sisters of the Divine Compassion, I appreciate all you have done for me. I plead that you tell us more about why the property is being sold. I and so many other alumnae, current students, and families of those students want Good Counsel to continue “educating confident women and compassionate leaders.” We are a family, something I wrote about in another blog post, Catholic School Bonds.

 

I am afraid if Good Counsel property in White Plains is sold that this will no longer happen. The open house for Good Counsel is on October 18. I am concerned that girls may not even want to consider applying to Good Counsel because of the current uncertain circumstances.

 

The high school, according to GCA’s website, was added to the campus in 1918. That means it would have been less than four years before a 100-year anniversary of educating high school women. I hope Good Counsel will reach that anniversary and many more after it.

The main building

 

 

 

34 Signs You Grew up in Yonkers

Disclaimer: Bias towards Lincoln Park and Dunwoodie neighborhoods. 

 

1. You knew all the words to the Chiquita Banana song from Stew Leonard’s.
2. You learned how to ride your bike at the Lincoln High School track, despite the sign saying no bikes, skateboards, etc. are allowed.
3. You probably also learned to drive in the parking lot at Lincoln High School.
4. You’ve been interviewed by News 12 Westchester once or twice, or at least have been in the background of one of their shots.
5. If you went to Catholic elementary school, you sometimes wished you went to public school. If you went to public school, you wished you didn’t have to go to CCD.
6. You still kinda miss the old pool at Tibbets—- we all totally took the deep end for granted back then.
   
   

   Tibetts old pool postcard. Found at: akpool.co.uk

7. Speaking of Tibbetts, feeding the ducks, geese, and occasional swan was often the most exciting part of a spring afternoon.
   
   

   Walking down to this gazebo was also pretty cool.
   Photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kpaulus/with/5802308991

8. The “turtle park” sprinklers at Van Cortlandt park in the Bronx were always a treat.
9. You lived within walking distance of at least two pizzerias (but probably more).
10. Dominoes pizza wasn’t considered “real” pizza.
11. Family restaurants growing up were either very Irish, very Italian, or were Applebee’s.
12. As a kid, you went to Cross County. As a teen, you go to Ridge Hill.
13. You know the YO sign.
14. In middle school, you hung out in pizzerias and convenience stores if you didn’t have a ride to Cross County.
15. Walking down Yonkers avenue, you nostalgically think of St. John’s Pharmacy and a filthier, Irish candy-filled Morley’s.
    
    

    Yonkers Avenue

16. In middle school, you didn’t realize how much all the nail salons sucked because you didn’t know any better. At least they were within walking distance.
17. Going out for ice cream wasn’t done as frequently as going out for pizza & Italian ices- there are only a few Carvel’s in Yonkers.
18. If you’re Irish, you didn’t understand why the St. Patricks Day parade was on South Broadway instead of McLean avenue. (Finally it’s on Mclean).
19. You were a member of youth soccer and/or baseball: Mclean Heights, Bryn Mawr, Woodlean, Dunwoodie Youth Association, East Yonkers just to name a few children’s sports organizations.
    
    

    The playground next to the soccer field was the best part.

20. Bagels and pizza- yup.
21. Real canolis from Arthur Avenue in the Bronx were the best things ever.
22. Pizza was your main diet in elementary school (and probably still is).
23. There was no grass playgrounds, or just no playground at all, in your elementary school.
24. Coyne Park and Conor Park were quick playground stops before your mom took you grocery shopping at the A&P.
25. The mini golf at Tibbetts looked so fun, but really wasn’t worth the money.
26. Sledding: Tibbetts, Dunwoodie Golf Course, Cook Field (Redmond Field).
27. It sucked when you grew too tall to go down the slide at the Sprain Brook pool. It sucked more when that pool closed for good.
    
    

    The old slide at Sprain Brook.

28. Cookouts at Cook Field were fun, as was using the public restroom there as a fort to attack kids below with water balloons.
29. Murray’s Skating Rink Friday and Saturday night sessions were popular in middle school.
30. High school: you envied the kids who went to Fordham or Ursuline because they didn’t have to take regents exams.
31. Despite being so close to Manhattan, you rarely went there.
    
    

    You can see the skyline from several parts of Yonkers.

32. High school: you may or may not have gone to the notorious Woodlawn keg.
33. St. Joseph’s seminary was a great place to ride your bike, play soccer, walk around, or just sit and chill. Or try to peek in when the pope came to visit.
34. Finally, you have an appreciation for the conveniences and quirks of Yonkers whether you plan on staying here or not.

Boyfriend Material

“Don’t worry honey, you’ll meet someone in law school,” my mother said to me one day over winter break. I was binge watching HBO with a cup of hot chocolate, un-brushed hair, and a baggy hoodie that absolutely did not match my Christmas-themed pajama pants.

Gee, thanks mom. Meet someone in law school? Give up on “finding” someone in my undergraduate years?  I’m fairly certain I posted an Instagram selfie later, seeking some superficial solace for my hurt ego.

“Finding someone.” It’s not that I was looking for anyone in undergrad at Pace. In fact, I wasn’t looking for anyone at all, thinking that if I just lived my life and focused on what mattered to me, someone would come to me one day and sweep me off my feet and buy me pizza. I believe that no one should actively seek a significant other. Instead, one should actively seek to live their lives and do what matters to them and what interests them while getting to know different people along the way. Perhaps a friendly relationship will develop into something more, and perhaps not.

But, my mom made a good point. In law school, she reasoned, I would be sure to meet a guy who is attractive, well educated, smart, and a hard-worker- all qualities parents look for in the significant others of their children, and all things that these children should also, theoretically, be looking for.

The underlying point is that this “perfect guy” is hard to come by in the undergraduate setting. Girls complain on campus time and again that the “good, attractive guys” are taken, gay, drug abusers, or just uninterested, especially on this campus with a slightly off-kilter male to female ratio (which is roughly 40:60).

Some girls, amidst complaining to friends and family about the lack of reasonable soul-mate candidates, succumb to the lifestyle of occasional meaningless hookups. The guys at college are rowdy and looking to have fun, many moms would say. A guy worth dating long-term with a stable job, a lovely apartment, and some sort of master’s degree, will come along at some point in the future. Maybe my mom is right and undergraduate girls shouldn’t get their hopes up .

But….maybe my mom is wrong. Romance comes when least expected…right?

Also published in the Pace Chronicle: http://pacechronicle.com/opinion/2014/03/12/among-other-things-6/#sthash.N2SUxRLe.dpuf

#nonewfriends

I don’t like the usage of “#nonewfriends.” It implies that one is not open to the idea of making any new friends, ever. Sure, you might have a wonderful set of old friends who have been there for you from childhood. But this doesn’t mean you should block the idea of meeting new people and developing new relationships.

Here’s some background information on the hashtag before I elaborate further.

For those who don’t know, a hashtag, according to Google definitions, is “(on social media sites such as Twitter) a word or phrase preceded by a hash or pound sign (#) and used to identify messages on a specific topic.”

These topics range from anything and everything from cats to friendships, and many “hashtags” stem from songs or shows. One such popular hashtag topic is “ no new friends,” which has been trending on Twitter since April 2013.

Popularized by a song called No New Friends by DJ Khaled featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Rick Ross, this hashtag (from my understanding) is meant to make clear one’s appreciation or love for current and old friends, i.e. the people that have present over the years for support and for fun. The lyrics of the song make this clear, but I’m not going to quote any lyrics because they consist of words that can’t be printed here.

Now back to my point. I don’t like when people use “#nonewfriends” on social media sites.

I agree that it is important to be happy and appreciative of those who play major roles in our lives, and that it is important to recognize the value of the friendships we have.

However, it is not necessary to block the idea of making any new friends for the rest of our lives. In my mind, this is what “#nonewfriends” entails. It is a hashtag that holds some negativity, and it is a hashtag that is unnecessary to make clear love and appreciation for true friends whenever you post a photo on instagram or write something on twitter.  Love and appreciation for friends could be made just as clear without rejecting the idea of ever starting or maintaining any new relationships with people.

Just to further prove that the hashtag is unnecessary, here’s a quick example of a caption that I commonly see under pictures of groups of friends on my social media feeds: “Omg love these girls! My ride or dies! #nonewfriends for real tho *insert various heart emoticons*.”  The caption would still convey the same sense of love for close friends without the usage of #nonewfriends. I understand that people who use the hashtag may only mean that they don’t want to add any people to their immediate and closest friend group. But I still don’t agree with that notion and hashtag usage.

I love my friends and appreciate them; if I were never to make another new friend, I’d be fine with that because of the strong friendships I already have. But, I will remain open to meeting new people and forming new friendships. I don’t see any harm in that; I believe that being open to forming new relationships with people is an integral part of life.

#NEWFRIENDS

To Selfie or Not to Selfie?

“Her? I unfollowed her. She takes too many selfies,” my 16-year-old cousin told me the other day in regards to a mutual friend’s Instagram account. “She does, but she’ll keep posting similar pictures of herself every day.  She gets a lot of likes and comments,” I responded.

Opinions on today’s selfie culture differ, and there are  no right or wrong answers to the selfie questions. How many selfies are too many? When is the appropriate time to take a selfie? Is there any limit to altering your face with Instagram filters? These are not really yes-or-no questions.

Selfie is the Oxford Dictionary word of the year. According to oxforddictionaries.com, a selfie is “a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website: occasional selfies are acceptable, but posting a new picture of yourself everyday isn’t necessary.”

 

The example of word usage made me laugh. I happen to agree with it. A selfie every single day is usually considered to be in bad taste. I am guilty of judging people based on how many selfies they take per week and on the quality of said selfies. This judgment, however, does not make me (or any of my friends who judge with me) any better than the excessive selfie-posters. In fact, it makes us hypocrites. I am guilty of partaking in the occasional “Selfie-Sunday” for no reason other than the fact that it’s Sunday and my makeup looks good. I have absolutely no authority to judge others on what they post and how often when I have the option to simply unfollow them on my Instagram account or, better yet, just not use Instagram so much. Still, I judge.

Often, when others or I post a selfie, it is not for any special reason. People are just bored and maybe looking for an excuse to procrastinate their homework for a little bit longer. Instead of doing anything meaningful or productive, they watch the “likes” and comments roll in. I am guilty of this; the selfie-post is a very easy way to procrastinate and temporarily raise self-esteem. But, the selfie is ultimately futile.

That isn’t the real me on the screen, I’ll think to myself after posting a selfie on a lazy Sunday. The front-facing camera makes my skin look clear, as does the Instagram filter. The filter makes my eyes look brighter and my jewelry sparkle. Do the people liking my photo actually like me in real life? If I saw them in person on that same Sunday, would they compliment my makeup, or is that interaction saved for the internet and the internet only? This is my problem with casual selfies and for selfies posted too often (which, in my opinion, is more than two posts a month.) Selfies are simply a distraction from real communication with people. They are a fast way to raise self-esteem for a matter of minutes, only to feel the need to post another selfie soon in a vain attempt to get more “likes” and false recognition of physical beauty. This cannot substitute for true self-confidence.

Interaction between humans is undoubtedly altered by social media on the internet. This is an issue that can be discussed much further. But for now, I’ll keep the discussion to the selfie. A selfie is fine for the occasional life-update or for a fun event or trip. But a selfie every day seems more like a cry for attention. A “hey! Look at me! Acknowledge my existence, even if I haven’t talked to you or seen you in years! #Nofilter because I’m naturally pretty!”

This is wrong, at least in my opinion. The excessive selfie promotes self-centeredness. Photo filters and other tools promote the clear skin and sparkling eyes that are simply unattainable in real life.

Even a #nofilter photo can be falsified as the front camera on iPhones, in my opinion, are low quality and grainy which serves to make my skin look clearer than it would on another camera.

So, put down the camera and look around at something besides your digital newsfeed, maybe compliment someone’s makeup  in person instead of online.

Catholic School Creates Bonds Like No Other

I have sisters. They’re not biological. I’m not in a sorority. For years, every morning, we said our prayers before the homeroom teacher scanned the class to check attendance and skirt lengths. Every morning, we complained about homework, going to class or Mass on an empty stomach, and having to change out of our Uggs. Every afternoon, we congratulated and complimented each other on good test scores or well-done art projects, all the while dreading the short walk from lunch to religion class.

Chapel at Academy of Our Lady of Good Counsel, White Plains, NY

I’m talking about Catholic school. I will never feel the need to join a sorority because something like that could probably never compare to or replace the immediate bond I have with anyone who went through Catholic schooling, especially with those who went to my high school, Academy of Our Lady of Good Counsel in White Plains.

I speak with a bias, of course, because I never went to public school growing up.  I wouldn’t change this fact. Now, I go to a private college with no religious affiliation. I remain close friends with several of my Good Counsel girls, and I am always happy to see any of my old schoolmates. I go back to visit my high school from time to time, offering college advice to any girl who seeks it and, of course, joking with old friends and teachers about the days spent in high school.  I still feel at home on that White Plains campus, and the sense of community and welcoming atmosphere is something that I hope never changes. This sense of community goes beyond my campus, though.

The Catholic School bond is a special thing, which, in my opinion, reaches farther than your particular school and classmates. Anyone who went to Catholic school understands “the struggle” of getting detentions for wearing the wrong socks, of having to memorize stories in the Bible, of wearing a uniform, of having a lot expected of them academically, of finding places to volunteer together, and of so much more. I can talk to someone who went to any Catholic school (whether it was coed, all-boy, all-girl, or even an alleged “rival” school) for hours, comparing experiences and forming friendships based on that understanding of how unique our educations were. To this day, I can make immediate connections with people who went to Catholic school and probably will be able to do so for the rest of my life.

I’m thankful I went to Catholic school, and especially thankful I went to Good Counsel. Those girls are talented, successful, understanding, and are always there for each other even if they haven’t spoken in a while or weren’t the closest.

I wouldn’t change my high school experience for anything.